An Adoptive Mom

AN ADOPTIVE MOM...LOVE LESSONS...MY STORY, OUR STORY

The Beginning...I am very blessed to be the adoptive Mom of two wonderful daughters. I always knew I would be an adoptive Mom, I am a hemophiliac carrier and for most of my childhood my Dad was in and out of the hospital for months at a time. He died at fifty due to the disease, a loving sweet man who was very grateful for each day he lived. He and my Mom were the most in love couple I knew, my Mom lived at the hospital when Dad was in, each time could be the last. A simple cough could make his throat bleed. I had my tubes tied at twenty one six weeks before I was married. A couple of years later we applied for adoption, our first darling daughter arrived, 14 days old. November 12, 1982, I was 29. December 17, 1991 our second sweet daughter arrives. In 1992 I become a single Mom turning 40 with a baby and a nine year old, working from home determined and carrying a certain amount of guilt for promising a two parent home for my girls and having it end when they were so young. What I did know I would provide for them and love them with all my heart.

JOY JOURNAL ...Summer 2005...My life is filled these days with my daughters' stories.  One leaves middle school and now off to high school and another childhood chapter closes with bittersweet memories.  The oldest continues her wnderful journey of connecting with her birth mother.  I am so privileged to share in their wonderful correspondence which will lead to a meeting very soon.  I was given the greatest gift in my life, my daughter and now I can share the delightful young woman she has grown to be with her birth mother.  We bring the stories of Amanda's precious beginning together and now she has her own story completed.  In loving her and celebrating this wonderful event it has brought us closer and I look so forward to meeting her birth mother and her family.  The more family that love this cherished girl is truly a wondrous gift.  To the JOY of love and gifts shared!

Had a wonderful week at the ocean with family, my daughters, brother, mother and dear friends.  It was a beautiful week for us all.  For my daughters a chance to be together, watching them was a delight.  For myself and my older daughter we created a scrapbook for her birth mother who is now here.  In visiting my daughter's precious childhood years again our bond has become stronger than ever.  In sharing my daughter we have become even closer, love only continues to grow when freely given.  Tomorrow I meet her birth mother and her family, she is from all I have heard a wonderful woman with a caring loving mother of her own, a mother who remembered her on her first Mother's Day and every year on Amanda's birthday with flowers and a call.  My daughter has been truly blessed in this life by a circle of love and tomorrow a celebration of all who have cherished her. 

My life has been filled this past week with my daughter's story, her reuniting with her birth mother and her family.  We have come together in a wider circle of love to embrace this cherished child now a wonderful young woman.  Even though she is and has been my treasured daughter, the mother who gave her life has carried in her heart everyday.  I watch the two of them together with their blond hair and matching smiles like sisters.  How blessed is life and the gifts it brings, how precious the gift of family. 

 This week again I continue my daughter's story.  We spent a day earlier this week visiting her birth grandparents and meeting her birth aunt and her family.  We have been welcomed with such warmth and Amanda is again surrounded by even more love.  For me it is a delight to be surrounded again by young children, to see my daughter with her young brother, sister and cousins and know the wonderful mother she will be someday.  We picnic in the rain, play a lively game of Dog-opoly and share their wonderful hospitality. Amanda's birth mother calls while we are there and we all talk to her.  I have truly learned even more from this that the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to share our love for when we share it is only returned to us ten fold.

JOY JOURNAL... MAY 2007...my daughter's graduation party was perfect according to her and it was truly a special day. This day before Mother's Day brought adoptive mother, birth mother, stepmother and birth grandmother all together celebrating a special young woman's accomplishments. Mother's Day brought my youngest daughter cooking me breakfast along with a regal geranium in shades of rich pinks. Her special gift was having written a letter entering me in a local Mother of the Year contest, she was sorry I didn't win but what could be a bigger win than being Mother of the Year with your child. My oldest arrived later overflowing with  happiness, bringing supper and more gardening delights. All in all a most JOYfull weekend with my beloved daughters.

ADOPTION ARTICLE written for MOMBO TV "Love Lessons: One Adoptive Mom's Story, Sept 2008

November 8, 2008... Meeting Amanda's Birth Dad & Brother..Amanda has been reunited with her birth dad and his family but I had not met them yet. They live only four hours away so for her birthday she wanted us to meet and I cook a special supper. That entailed a hearty roast beef dinner with my signature broccoli cheese dish, fluffy whipped potatoes, gravy and chocolate cake. They arrived before supper, big hugs all around. A lovely man with beautiful eyes , smile my daughters smile and a outgoing young man so much like his older sister. We talked, cooked and laughed. Supper was a huge success, simple and hearty. Amanda's birth dad is also left handed so we sat together across from the kids. We all love games so we played a game of Life with much friendly banter especially when I traded salary cards from my measly $20,000 to his $100,000. It was very comfortable like we had known each other for a long time, I had known part of him for a long time, my daughter. We then decided to teach the "kids" to play Hearts which they caught on to very quickly. Amanda won gaining control twice, I knew she would love the game and had wanted to teach her before. Now she wants to find more people to play with. My younger daughter came home, joined us, neck brace and all from a minor accident on her weekend away. It was a great evening and birthday gift, Amanda commented it was the most fun she had had in a long time. It was full of fun, of laughter and love!

 

What I know for sure as an adoptive Mom is how much I would have lost if I did not enter this adoption reunion as a Mom ready to share this lovely young woman my daughter. To lovingly create a safe space for her to enter this journey and complete herself. Our relationship has changed through it all, has deepened, been enriched beyond measure. If I had been fearful of losing her, my fear would have been the cause and I would have made her journey not the joyous one it was meant to be. In sharing her with those who have loved her all the missed years has been as it was meant to be, a true Love Lesson. May they continue...

Comments

[Lisa Hatch]

Debra - I was browsing for sewing pattern inspirations and the "adoptive mother" link caught my eye. I am also the adoptive mother of two beautiful girls and I just wanted to tell you how touched I was by your story. What a gracious loving heart you have! So many people I encounter don't get how open I am with my girls about being adopted and having "another mother". You're very cool.

[Debra Quartermain]

Lisa,

Thank you, so wonderful to hear from you! Especially with our connection. It is just all about love. Loving with an open heart. I hope we can correspond more, I would love to hear your story.

From one loving Mom to another,
Debra

[lauren ferguson]

Hi Debra,

I am so glad that I came to your blog.

I could never understand why there was such a wonderful light that shines around you.

Now I know.

Lauren